Posts
Ugh. My cankles have grown in.
They suck.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Birthing Class
My husband and I officially started our birthing class last month. We are required to take what is called a Bradley class by our birthing center. Bradley classes promote non-medicated births/natural child birth and also advocate fewer hospital interventions. I know at least half a dozen people who've had babies in the last six months or so, and out of all of them, only one couple actually attended a birthing class. Now that I've been to a few of them, I don't understand why more people don't do it. They are great.
On the surface, it seemed like an expensive investment -- almost $200. It's probably not that much in the big picture of how much babies cost, but I'm sure we could have happily spent that money on something else. However, our tuition included a $100 gift certificate to Gymboree. I know for a fact we'd never spend that much money at a place like Gymboree (do we really need someone to teach us how to play with our kid? does anyone?), but at least it feels like we are getting half our money back from our birthing classes.
The information we are learning is fantastic. When I talk to my other pregnant friends now, I'm the one full of weird factoids about pregnancy and child birth. I feel knowledgeable. Plus -- and maybe this is the biggest benefit -- a LOT of what we are learning is massage and comfort techniques. Let me rephrase that: my husband has to learn how to make me feel better. And we are required to practice. We are learning things like back rubs and massages. Even the labor positions we are learning feel good right now, even though I'm nowhere near going into labor. It's great.
On the surface, it seemed like an expensive investment -- almost $200. It's probably not that much in the big picture of how much babies cost, but I'm sure we could have happily spent that money on something else. However, our tuition included a $100 gift certificate to Gymboree. I know for a fact we'd never spend that much money at a place like Gymboree (do we really need someone to teach us how to play with our kid? does anyone?), but at least it feels like we are getting half our money back from our birthing classes.
The information we are learning is fantastic. When I talk to my other pregnant friends now, I'm the one full of weird factoids about pregnancy and child birth. I feel knowledgeable. Plus -- and maybe this is the biggest benefit -- a LOT of what we are learning is massage and comfort techniques. Let me rephrase that: my husband has to learn how to make me feel better. And we are required to practice. We are learning things like back rubs and massages. Even the labor positions we are learning feel good right now, even though I'm nowhere near going into labor. It's great.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Persistence or 100%?
The other night, I apologized to my instructor for skipping class a few times in a row (I always try to go once a week, sometimes more, but sometimes even once a week doesn't quite work out) and admitted that sometimes lately it's been hard to push myself to come to class. For one, I can't always participate in everything anymore, and that can make me feel left out. Also, I often have to dial back or stop early when we are working on something particular -- if we are in the middle of a highly aerobic exercise, for example, or if we are devoting an entire night to kicking routines -- and that makes me feel like I'm not trying hard enough. I'm also taking more breaks: snack breaks and bathroom breaks. I swear, this week, every time I stand up, I discover I have to pee again. It was funny for about ten minutes, then it became super annoying.
My instructor told me that every time I come out onto the mat, I am an inspiration to the other people in class, because if I can come to class pregnant, then everyone else's excuses for missing class seem lame by comparison. I was surprised to hear this. First of all, it's not hard to COME to class as a pregnant lady -- showing up is the easy part; it's doing my best that's getting more and more difficult. Or, perhaps, my "best" is just less and less as the weeks go by.
This brings up a lot of issues and ideas for me. First, let me acknowledge that the standards for my performance are stunningly low compared to anyone else in class. If I'm working out with everyone and an instructor is walking around offering tips or corrections, they never tell me anything anymore. It's as if they pass me over as long as I'm still upright and breathing. I realize that it might be a little harsh to tell the pregnant lady she's not kicking high enough, but I didn't expect the standards to be SO LOW that I could basically perform like a buffoon and everyone would just pretend they didn't notice. Some of the male instructors, quite honestly, still ask me every time they see me if I'm OK doing the stretching exercises or the warm-ups. I don't want to be snarky, but YES, I'M OK and if I'm not, I'll stop, I promise, you don't have to check in all the time. Maybe this is because my gut keeps getting bigger and, as guys, they are all waiting for it to explode into labor at the drop of a hat.
Second, before I got pregnant, I never really wanted to go to class if I didn't feel my best. If my muscles were sore from a previous workout or I had a cold or I was tired, I would skip class thinking that I needed to save it for when I was in peak condition. I'm still not sure how I feel about this on the other side -- since, now that I'm pregnant, every time I go to class I'm not in peak condition. Which one is more important, giving 100% or simply showing persistence?
My instructors have been pushing hard on the persistence angle recently, possibly because the classes have been smaller over this past winter. They want us to come no matter how we feel. They tell us that, for example, if you've hurt your knee or ankle, you can still come to class and do arm workouts. The idea seems to be that skipping is for sissies and that real martial artists would just come to class every night no matter what.
But, the other side of that is that those same instructors hardly ever want to hear about excuses or injuries when we come to class. If someone shows up with an injured wrist, it's pretty likely that an instructor will ask, "How bad is it really?" or "But you can still do self-defense [or whatever the workout is for the night] anyway, right?" I'm not sure they understand that when we come to class feeling less than great, we feel bad when we have to bow out of an activity, especially when they are pushing us to do everything anyway. Sometimes skipping class when we are injured is the only way to gracefully opt out of these weird, uncomfortable conversations.
I've discovered my own voice in this since I've been pregnant. I don't feel so bad standing up to the instructors anymore, but I know it's entirely because I can "blame the baby." Technically, it's someone else's fault that I can't hold the kicking pad today. But even so, sometimes I'm still super uncomfortable saying what I can and can't do to someone else, especially someone else who outranks me. When there are exactly enough people in the class for a partner drill, but I have to opt out because I can't hold the pad, I feel like I'm ruining class for everyone.
My instructor told me that every time I come out onto the mat, I am an inspiration to the other people in class, because if I can come to class pregnant, then everyone else's excuses for missing class seem lame by comparison. I was surprised to hear this. First of all, it's not hard to COME to class as a pregnant lady -- showing up is the easy part; it's doing my best that's getting more and more difficult. Or, perhaps, my "best" is just less and less as the weeks go by.
This brings up a lot of issues and ideas for me. First, let me acknowledge that the standards for my performance are stunningly low compared to anyone else in class. If I'm working out with everyone and an instructor is walking around offering tips or corrections, they never tell me anything anymore. It's as if they pass me over as long as I'm still upright and breathing. I realize that it might be a little harsh to tell the pregnant lady she's not kicking high enough, but I didn't expect the standards to be SO LOW that I could basically perform like a buffoon and everyone would just pretend they didn't notice. Some of the male instructors, quite honestly, still ask me every time they see me if I'm OK doing the stretching exercises or the warm-ups. I don't want to be snarky, but YES, I'M OK and if I'm not, I'll stop, I promise, you don't have to check in all the time. Maybe this is because my gut keeps getting bigger and, as guys, they are all waiting for it to explode into labor at the drop of a hat.
Second, before I got pregnant, I never really wanted to go to class if I didn't feel my best. If my muscles were sore from a previous workout or I had a cold or I was tired, I would skip class thinking that I needed to save it for when I was in peak condition. I'm still not sure how I feel about this on the other side -- since, now that I'm pregnant, every time I go to class I'm not in peak condition. Which one is more important, giving 100% or simply showing persistence?
My instructors have been pushing hard on the persistence angle recently, possibly because the classes have been smaller over this past winter. They want us to come no matter how we feel. They tell us that, for example, if you've hurt your knee or ankle, you can still come to class and do arm workouts. The idea seems to be that skipping is for sissies and that real martial artists would just come to class every night no matter what.
But, the other side of that is that those same instructors hardly ever want to hear about excuses or injuries when we come to class. If someone shows up with an injured wrist, it's pretty likely that an instructor will ask, "How bad is it really?" or "But you can still do self-defense [or whatever the workout is for the night] anyway, right?" I'm not sure they understand that when we come to class feeling less than great, we feel bad when we have to bow out of an activity, especially when they are pushing us to do everything anyway. Sometimes skipping class when we are injured is the only way to gracefully opt out of these weird, uncomfortable conversations.
I've discovered my own voice in this since I've been pregnant. I don't feel so bad standing up to the instructors anymore, but I know it's entirely because I can "blame the baby." Technically, it's someone else's fault that I can't hold the kicking pad today. But even so, sometimes I'm still super uncomfortable saying what I can and can't do to someone else, especially someone else who outranks me. When there are exactly enough people in the class for a partner drill, but I have to opt out because I can't hold the pad, I feel like I'm ruining class for everyone.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Review: Ina May's Guide to Childbirth
Ina May's Guide to Childbirth
A lot of different people recommended this book to me, and I'd heard of Ina May Gaskin before, so I was excited to read it. I figured it would be somewhat along the lines of The Thinking Woman's Guide to Better Birth, but maybe more from a midwife's perspective. But actually, I found this book to a lot more involved. True, it does have some of the same information as Thinking Woman's Guide, especially about interventions at the hospital, but half the book is devoted to the stories of natural childbirth, and that was something I hadn't seen before.
I like the idea behind it. We are exposed to so many stories about birth from our family members and friends, movies and TV shows, that we think that labor has to be excruciatingly painful and full of danger. The birth stories included here dispel some of that -- these births are sometimes painful, but also very joyful. Some of them don't seem to hurt at all. Overwhelmingly, the feeling of confidence and accomplishment from the mothers is what comes through.
The second half of the book explores why hospital settings can be so irritating to laboring women. My husband especially liked the description of the "Sphincter Principle," which states that there are similarities to being able to give birth on command in a room full of strangers with being able to pee on command in a room full of strangers. To make it easier, you should be in a quiet, private space where you feel safe and respected and among people you trust. Gaskin gives plenty of scientific backup, but my reaction after reading it was, "DUH."
A lot of different people recommended this book to me, and I'd heard of Ina May Gaskin before, so I was excited to read it. I figured it would be somewhat along the lines of The Thinking Woman's Guide to Better Birth, but maybe more from a midwife's perspective. But actually, I found this book to a lot more involved. True, it does have some of the same information as Thinking Woman's Guide, especially about interventions at the hospital, but half the book is devoted to the stories of natural childbirth, and that was something I hadn't seen before.
I like the idea behind it. We are exposed to so many stories about birth from our family members and friends, movies and TV shows, that we think that labor has to be excruciatingly painful and full of danger. The birth stories included here dispel some of that -- these births are sometimes painful, but also very joyful. Some of them don't seem to hurt at all. Overwhelmingly, the feeling of confidence and accomplishment from the mothers is what comes through.
The second half of the book explores why hospital settings can be so irritating to laboring women. My husband especially liked the description of the "Sphincter Principle," which states that there are similarities to being able to give birth on command in a room full of strangers with being able to pee on command in a room full of strangers. To make it easier, you should be in a quiet, private space where you feel safe and respected and among people you trust. Gaskin gives plenty of scientific backup, but my reaction after reading it was, "DUH."
Thursday, March 11, 2010
No ID?
A few nights ago, my husband and I met downtown for happy hour. For some reason -- let's chalk it up to the Pregnancy Forgetsies -- I didn't have my wallet. I guess I'd taken it out of my purse for some reason and didn't put it back. The guy at the door asked for my ID and I scrambled around, feeling really embarrassed and hopeless.
Then I stuck out my giant tummy and said, "Well, I'm pregnant, it's not like I can drink anyway."
He waved me right in, no ID needed. Then I had a German non-alcoholic beer that tasted like ass.
Then I stuck out my giant tummy and said, "Well, I'm pregnant, it's not like I can drink anyway."
He waved me right in, no ID needed. Then I had a German non-alcoholic beer that tasted like ass.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Review: DVD Penatal Yoga Complete with Mary Poppas-Sandonas
As I've previously stated, yoga and I don't really get along. I've taken a handful of formal classes and followed the show Namaste Yoga on FitTV. So, I'm not the expert on this field. But I figure it's ok because as soon as I'm not pregnant anymore, I'm planning to continue my life's work of avoiding yoga at all costs.
But I promised I'd give ol' prenatal yoga a shot, just to make sure I wasn't missing out on something; it's my first time being pregnant, what do I know? So I got the DVD "Prenatal Yoga Complete" with Mary Poppas-Sandonas. And let's just say my attitude didn't change much.
1. There are no pregnant ladies in this video. Instead it's just a skinny instructor who looks kind of silly using ten or fifteen props to get her lithe, flexible body into position. I didn't think this would bother me so much, but it did.
2. This kind of yoga hurts. The very first thing (after all the precautions, because nothing makes a pregnant lady feel like exercising than hearing about the eight hundred ways she's going to make her baby stupid if she does it wrong) was Hero's Pose, which is basically kneeling on the ground. But the instructions says to "move your calf muscles away from your legs to make room for your butt." Um, my calf muscles are attached to my legs. Where am I supposed to move them to? I did what she said and it just caused excruciating pain up and down my legs and knees. So I stopped, per the cautionary instructions.
3. It requires too many props. How many props to do Hero's Pose? Four! Four things required for a pregnant lady to kneel on the ground -- a mat (fine, that was expected), two washcloths for my ankles, and a wooden block for my butt. Every pose required many, many props, and I didn't really have any of them. I used all the spare bathroom towels and pillows and couch cushions and still had the distinct feeling that they weren't good enough.
3. This is basically just laying or relaxing in a position for a few minutes before assembling the required props to set up the next position. It was a lot of setting up (the instructions helpfully suggest pausing the video to get everything in the right place!) and then ... sitting in the position forever. I was expecting more movement. More, you know, exercising.
4. It claims to help with morning sickness. Wrong.
5. It has literally hours of video for every trimester. That's one thing I really liked. There are sections for sleeping better, feeling more energized and getting rid of headaches in addition to the section on morning sickness. And there are other sections for each of the trimesters, too, plus fertitility routines. A lot of information packed into one DVD, that's nice.
But I promised I'd give ol' prenatal yoga a shot, just to make sure I wasn't missing out on something; it's my first time being pregnant, what do I know? So I got the DVD "Prenatal Yoga Complete" with Mary Poppas-Sandonas. And let's just say my attitude didn't change much.
1. There are no pregnant ladies in this video. Instead it's just a skinny instructor who looks kind of silly using ten or fifteen props to get her lithe, flexible body into position. I didn't think this would bother me so much, but it did.
2. This kind of yoga hurts. The very first thing (after all the precautions, because nothing makes a pregnant lady feel like exercising than hearing about the eight hundred ways she's going to make her baby stupid if she does it wrong) was Hero's Pose, which is basically kneeling on the ground. But the instructions says to "move your calf muscles away from your legs to make room for your butt." Um, my calf muscles are attached to my legs. Where am I supposed to move them to? I did what she said and it just caused excruciating pain up and down my legs and knees. So I stopped, per the cautionary instructions.
3. It requires too many props. How many props to do Hero's Pose? Four! Four things required for a pregnant lady to kneel on the ground -- a mat (fine, that was expected), two washcloths for my ankles, and a wooden block for my butt. Every pose required many, many props, and I didn't really have any of them. I used all the spare bathroom towels and pillows and couch cushions and still had the distinct feeling that they weren't good enough.
3. This is basically just laying or relaxing in a position for a few minutes before assembling the required props to set up the next position. It was a lot of setting up (the instructions helpfully suggest pausing the video to get everything in the right place!) and then ... sitting in the position forever. I was expecting more movement. More, you know, exercising.
4. It claims to help with morning sickness. Wrong.
5. It has literally hours of video for every trimester. That's one thing I really liked. There are sections for sleeping better, feeling more energized and getting rid of headaches in addition to the section on morning sickness. And there are other sections for each of the trimesters, too, plus fertitility routines. A lot of information packed into one DVD, that's nice.
Quick Review: Fit and Pregnant by Joan Marie Butler
Finally, a book that is about how to exercise while you're pregnant that doesn't include a meal plan and a prescribed workout. This one focuses on some popular sports and how to modify them for pregnancy. My only issue is that the "popular" sports don't include the one I like best (martial arts), but I'll cut some the author some slack because there's quite a lot about cycling.
One thing I've found a little silly about a lot of pregnancy workout books is this idea that they need to include everything about being pregnant -- as if this is the ONLY book I'm going to read about what happens to my body while I'm with child. Fit and Pregnant doesn't follow this method, thankfully, and only includes the physical changes that relate to specific exercises. For example, looser ligaments can lead to running injuries if you don't pay attention. I also appreciate that in the section on what exercises to avoid, most of the advice is about avoiding injury to the mom-to-be instead of the baby; the baby is relatively safe inside the uterus, but if the pregnant mom gets hurt, some drugs and interventions (I'm guessing surgery, for example) aren't recommended or allowed. So, in other words, the main reason you don't want to continue downhill skiing or whatever is because YOU might get hurt and then be stuck on the couch in a cast until the baby comes. This makes a lot more sense to me than some of the other advice I've seen.
Another great section is about weight training. I don't do much of that, but one thing Fit and Pregnant points out is that working on the weight machines at the gym is a nice, safe way to keep the right muscles working even if you can't continue to participate in your favorite sports. So, if you find you can't keep cycling like you want to, you can work out the same muscle groups on a machine instead. Ah, some practical advice.
This book includes sections on the following sports: pilates, yoga (always with the yoga, these books), aerobics, weight training, running, walking, hiking, swimming, rowing, cycling, and a bunch of winter activities that I skipped over (no winter down here in Texas). Plus, in the back is a section called "Resources" that lists a bunch more books and websites -- including websites for maternity workout clothes and equipment.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Quick Review: Super Fit Mama, by Tracey Mallet
Super Fit Mama, by Tracey Mallet
Ah, yes, let's all be Super Fit Mamas, shall we? Under the title of this one are the words: "Stay Fit During Pregnancy and Get Your Body Back After Baby!" Arg, my body has been high-jacked by the baby I GREW ALL BY MYSELF, must ... fix it ... must ... pretend I never grew a baby by the POWER OF MY OWN BODY. This is slightly more annoying than the idea of Buff Mom-To-Be following on the heels of Buff Bride-To-Be.
Again, this book is contains a workout routine to do while you're pregnant and after the baby is born. I give it bonus points because she actually wrote several different workouts, one for each trimester and three for different phases of postpartum life. However, I'm taking away points because all her "success" stories involve people who hated working out and ate junk food all the time before they start her program. Let's all be clear: when you don't exercise but do eat junk food, changing those things usually results in you being fitter, no matter which diet or workout routine you pick. I'm waiting around for someone to address those of us who do eat well and already workout but don't ever see any results from any new diet or exercise program. Plus, most of her examples lost between 15 - 30 pounds; by the end of my pregnancy, I will probably need to lose that amount from each of my boobs, so I will probably need something more powerful.
The pregnancy workouts are pretty nice. They are short and use stuff you probably already have at home (I'm a fan of not having to buy anything to participate). Plus, the back of the book includes an eating guide with some recipes. I've made a handful of them and can attest that they are pretty tasty. Flax seed pancakes = yum.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Quick Review: Buff Moms-To-Be by Sue Fleming
I'll admit that I became less enthusiastic about reading this book when I realized it was the sequel to Buff Brides-To-Be (Lose weight before you end up in a wedding photo! And holy crap, you gained it back by getting pregnant! What were you thinking?). But the advice inside isn't too bad.
I am, as I've mentioned before, looking for a book that describes how to get through real-world (i.e., the rest of the unpregnant masses) exercising while you're dealing with all the new stuff pregnancy brings on. This book isn't exactly that, but I'm losing hope that I'll ever really find that book. Instead, Buff Moms provides some good general pregnancy facts along with a light weight-lifting regimen that can be maintained through to the end of most uncomplicated pregnancies.
What I like most about this book is the author's practical tone and advice that (duh) you should be able to do almost any kind of exercise you want while you're pregnant. Walking, jogging, swimming, yoga (always with the yoga) get special attention as "pregnancy friendly." Ice hockey gets called out twice as being bad during pregnancy. Maybe the combination of ice + skates + people ramming you = bad.
Most irritating piece of advice? "Wear loose, comfortable clothing." First of all, isn't that the advice about what to wear when you exercise even if you're NOT pregnant? Also, I have two types of clothes in my closet now: things that are too tight to fit anymore and maternity clothes I am still not big enough to wear. Where is this magical loose and yet still comfortable clothing (that I assume is tight enough not to fall off)?
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Teaching Class
Last week I filled in to teach some of the kids' classes at my taekwondo school. The first day, I had two students; the next day I had about eighteen. I have a new appreciation for the owner, who usually teaches every kids' class by herself. I'm pretty sure the parents drop their kids off in the hopes that they will have a bunch of energy burned off this before class is over ... and they are a huge handful.
Ok. They are also about 150% adorable.
God, I'm so pregnant. I would never say that stuff six months ago.
Here's a rundown of what class was like:
Ok. They are also about 150% adorable.
God, I'm so pregnant. I would never say that stuff six months ago.
Here's a rundown of what class was like:
- Warm up.
- Two kids forget where to stand in line.
- Three kids simultaneously have their belts fall off.
- Break, re-tie belts; they are falling off all over the place.
- Two kids and one mom stop me to say they are all sick/injured and can only do a few exercises today. I immediately forget who they are and for the rest of the hour, I keep asking them to kick pads or whatever and they politely raise their hands and tell me how sick/injured they are and then I feel dumb.
- Kicks.
- Four more kids end up with belts around their ankles. It's like trying to tie on a piece of jello.
- Break.
- We learn run-jump-front-kick or butterfly kick or whatever the kids are calling it these days. I discover that the kids have new and adorable names for about half the stuff we do.
- Self-defense. Because there are a million kids in this class, I have partner an older kid with a younger kid and have them review. I kneel in front of the smallest girl -- I swear she was about four years old and was wearing the sweetest pair of purple eye glasses ever, they may have been butterfly shaped -- and teach her two moves. I remind her to kihap. She hits me in the head a few times by accident. It's cute.
- Break. More belt retying. I wonder if I should get out the stapler.
- Dodgeball. The kids all wanted to play it.
- I say a silent prayer of thanks that the kids are good at lining up. Every time they got out of control or too loud, I could clap my hands and they would all dutifully drop whatever they were doing to line up.
- After class, I deal with several parents who have varying requests -- paying a bill, needing a new uniform, looking for the lost and found, wanting a mediator between a few boys who weren't getting along.
- My feet hurt for the rest of the day.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Coming Soon and an Anecdote
I just got home from the library with a new armload of books. As I look through them in the next week or so, I'll put up quick reviews about them. I'm still looking for the golden goose: a book that contains practical advice for how to exercise like a normal person even when you're pregnant. I think what I have ended up with instead is a lot of How To Get Your Body Back After The Baby (cuz look out, the baby is about to hijack it). Not exactly what I wanted, but maybe there will be some helpful information in there somewhere.
But first, an anecdote:
I hate needles. When I have to have my blood drawn, I always warn the nurse that I HATE having a needle in my arm and I promise to try not to freak out. It takes concentration to keep myself calm. When I was in high school, I had to get my wisdom teeth taken out by surgery -- all four of them were impacted up in my jaw, so I couldn't just have them pulled like most of my friends -- and I know for a fact that this is where my fear and hatred of needles of comes from.
That day, I went to a new dentist's office, one better equipped to handle the surgery than my normal dentist. The man in charge, whom I had never met before, had a huge red nose like an old cartoon of a drunk. He didn't say much to me as I sat down in the chair. Soon, we were joined by about five nurses or assistants. They each had a different job to do and they didn't say anything to me as they got started, either, but they talked amongst themselves about medical things I didn't understand. The dentist was tying a rubber hose to my right arm so he could put in the IV of drugs. He didn't say what he was up to, so when I looked down to watch him, I was really surprised when he grabbed the lower half of my arm and slapped the inner side of my elbow hard. A giant vein popped right up from the skin; it really frightened me. That's when an angry nurse who was doing something on the other side of me shouted, "You better calm down, you're messing up your blood pressure." The tone of her voice was along the lines of "Hey, stupid, quit ruining everything."
I was about ready to cry at this point. I couldn't calm down. I was really scared. When I looked over to see what was happening to the poor vein in my right arm, I saw the dentist take a giant needle and shove it in with a hard jab. I opened my mouth to scream, but before I could finish drawing a breath, I passed right out from the medication.
I woke up after the surgery several hours later in extreme pain and I had big purple bruises up and down my chin for the next two months. You can see them in my school pictures from that year, even though I had my wisdom teeth taken out in the middle of summer vacation.
This memory has been coming back to me lately. I thought it was just that I've had to get my blood drawn more times in the last five months than in the last five (or maybe more likely fifteen) years put together (my favorite was when the lab admitted they dropped my first sample and I had to go back another day to do it over). Every time I see that needle approaching, I have to mentally coach myself through it. I feel like a baby.
But this week, after delving into the first of my library books -- Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin -- I've decided that in my mind, when I imagine going to the hospital to have a baby, the whole scene from that dentist is what goes through my mind: bright lights, surrounded by people I don't know or trust, a million things going on that I don't understand and can't control, a nurse who might be having a bad day telling me I'm doing something wrong, and the feeling that everyone is really just waiting for the drugs to take over so they can do their jobs without any more interference from me. After I saw a picture of what happens when you get an epidural, I couldn't even THINK about it anymore without getting bad chills, and it was just a drawing, not a photograph. My mom thinks I'm obsessing over it, but I've gone through most of my life with little or no illnesses or injury. I never broke a bone as a kid and my worst sickness as an adult was a misdiagnosed yeast infection I had for a few months. Sure, it sucked, but most of my emotions about it were simply anger at the doctor who kept misdiagnosing it every month. So, when I start thinking about hospitals and medical procedures, my mind only has that one surgery experience to draw on.
I'm relating this anecdote as an explanation because Ina May's Guide to Childbirth will probably be one my first quick reviews. Of all the pregnancy books I brought home from the library this time around, this is the one that stuck out, and once I started reading it I couldn't put it down.
But first, an anecdote:
I hate needles. When I have to have my blood drawn, I always warn the nurse that I HATE having a needle in my arm and I promise to try not to freak out. It takes concentration to keep myself calm. When I was in high school, I had to get my wisdom teeth taken out by surgery -- all four of them were impacted up in my jaw, so I couldn't just have them pulled like most of my friends -- and I know for a fact that this is where my fear and hatred of needles of comes from.
That day, I went to a new dentist's office, one better equipped to handle the surgery than my normal dentist. The man in charge, whom I had never met before, had a huge red nose like an old cartoon of a drunk. He didn't say much to me as I sat down in the chair. Soon, we were joined by about five nurses or assistants. They each had a different job to do and they didn't say anything to me as they got started, either, but they talked amongst themselves about medical things I didn't understand. The dentist was tying a rubber hose to my right arm so he could put in the IV of drugs. He didn't say what he was up to, so when I looked down to watch him, I was really surprised when he grabbed the lower half of my arm and slapped the inner side of my elbow hard. A giant vein popped right up from the skin; it really frightened me. That's when an angry nurse who was doing something on the other side of me shouted, "You better calm down, you're messing up your blood pressure." The tone of her voice was along the lines of "Hey, stupid, quit ruining everything."
I was about ready to cry at this point. I couldn't calm down. I was really scared. When I looked over to see what was happening to the poor vein in my right arm, I saw the dentist take a giant needle and shove it in with a hard jab. I opened my mouth to scream, but before I could finish drawing a breath, I passed right out from the medication.
I woke up after the surgery several hours later in extreme pain and I had big purple bruises up and down my chin for the next two months. You can see them in my school pictures from that year, even though I had my wisdom teeth taken out in the middle of summer vacation.
This memory has been coming back to me lately. I thought it was just that I've had to get my blood drawn more times in the last five months than in the last five (or maybe more likely fifteen) years put together (my favorite was when the lab admitted they dropped my first sample and I had to go back another day to do it over). Every time I see that needle approaching, I have to mentally coach myself through it. I feel like a baby.
But this week, after delving into the first of my library books -- Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin -- I've decided that in my mind, when I imagine going to the hospital to have a baby, the whole scene from that dentist is what goes through my mind: bright lights, surrounded by people I don't know or trust, a million things going on that I don't understand and can't control, a nurse who might be having a bad day telling me I'm doing something wrong, and the feeling that everyone is really just waiting for the drugs to take over so they can do their jobs without any more interference from me. After I saw a picture of what happens when you get an epidural, I couldn't even THINK about it anymore without getting bad chills, and it was just a drawing, not a photograph. My mom thinks I'm obsessing over it, but I've gone through most of my life with little or no illnesses or injury. I never broke a bone as a kid and my worst sickness as an adult was a misdiagnosed yeast infection I had for a few months. Sure, it sucked, but most of my emotions about it were simply anger at the doctor who kept misdiagnosing it every month. So, when I start thinking about hospitals and medical procedures, my mind only has that one surgery experience to draw on.
I'm relating this anecdote as an explanation because Ina May's Guide to Childbirth will probably be one my first quick reviews. Of all the pregnancy books I brought home from the library this time around, this is the one that stuck out, and once I started reading it I couldn't put it down.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Baby Update
I've been struggling with how much of the baby to include here. Pictures? Funny stories? Embarrassing stuff that will be here forever?
I haven't decided on most of it, but I can at least give a few updates here and there. My husband and I went for our ultrasound last month where we discovered that the baby is going to be a boy and that he seems to be healthy. I can feel him moving around now. He really loves to roll around inside when I am sitting at the computer or the kitchen table. Sometimes it's cute and sometimes it feel like that bottom-dropping-out-of-your-stomach feeling you get on a roller coaster.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Forms Class
Class last week was devoted to forms. I had a great time, even though I can really feel the difference in my lung capacity now. I tried to do everything a little slower than normal and paid extra attention to my breathing. But I was still panting at the end of the longer forms.
The method for learning forms at my school is that you have to do ten push-ups every time you make a mistake. I think it is supposed to encourage upper body strength, since almost everyone messes up here and there. But I hate doing push-ups so much that I always make it a huge priority to memorize my form as quickly as possible, just so I can avoid them. It's probably why I can still hardly do ten push-ups.
At the end of class, the black belts did Kum Gong form. I love this form. It contains no kicks, but it manages to be very powerful all the same.
You can see a video of a black belt doing it here:
Kum Gang Video
The part where I'm supposed to balance on one leg? Not really going so well. I'm kind of tipping over a lot. Let's blame the baby.
The method for learning forms at my school is that you have to do ten push-ups every time you make a mistake. I think it is supposed to encourage upper body strength, since almost everyone messes up here and there. But I hate doing push-ups so much that I always make it a huge priority to memorize my form as quickly as possible, just so I can avoid them. It's probably why I can still hardly do ten push-ups.
At the end of class, the black belts did Kum Gong form. I love this form. It contains no kicks, but it manages to be very powerful all the same.
You can see a video of a black belt doing it here:
Kum Gang Video
The part where I'm supposed to balance on one leg? Not really going so well. I'm kind of tipping over a lot. Let's blame the baby.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Insomnia
Last summer, before I was pregnant, I went for my annual check up and asked my doctor about my insomnia. I was having trouble sleeping about one week out of every month and, after paying attention to it for about six months, I noticed that it usually coincided with a certain anxious, energetic feeling I got around the time when I would have PMS. One month, this nervous feeling was so bad that I actually had to ask my friends if maybe I could be bipolar and not know it (they told me that, duh, you're not bipolar just from a few night of insomnia).
But it still didn't seem normal. I could fall asleep normally, but then I would wake up from bad dreams around two or three in the morning completely unable to get back to sleep. Sometimes I would wake up around midnight with an idea for a story or an essay in my head that just needed to get written down as soon as possible. I'd sit in front of the computer for a few hours, pounding it out, and then collapse back to sleep. And yet, on other nights, I would wake up for no real reason I could put my finger on, and I'd watch TV for hours, trying to lull myself back into something resembling sleepiness. There were days when nothing worked.
When I asked my doctor, she told me she didn't like to recommend drugs to solve problems. Fine, I thought, I didn't really like to take them to solve my problems, either. Then, she told me therapy was probably my only course of action. When I asked if there was something else we could try, she said maybe I could cut back on my caffeine. And that was end of her suggestions. I brought up the fact that it ALWAYS happened at the same time every month and was there any way it could be hormone related? Could changing my birth control help? Anything? But, no, my doctor just told me I needed to talk to someone about my anxiety issues. The end.
I still have insomnia. Except now, instead of it coming once or twice a month, I have it every single night. And guess what? It's totally related to my hormones. I guess pregnant ladies get insomnia all the time, mostly because their hormones are out of whack.
There's still nothing I can really do about it. I get up around two or three in the morning, the cat follows me out of the bedroom and into the living room, and we watch old reruns of Arrested Development or Buffy the Vampire Slayer until it's close to five, and then I can usually fall back asleep (the cat usually follows me back to bed and sleeps next to me on the pillow). I still think it's a little unfair, though. I have to get up and do stuff during the day, but the cat can just go back to sleep.
But it still didn't seem normal. I could fall asleep normally, but then I would wake up from bad dreams around two or three in the morning completely unable to get back to sleep. Sometimes I would wake up around midnight with an idea for a story or an essay in my head that just needed to get written down as soon as possible. I'd sit in front of the computer for a few hours, pounding it out, and then collapse back to sleep. And yet, on other nights, I would wake up for no real reason I could put my finger on, and I'd watch TV for hours, trying to lull myself back into something resembling sleepiness. There were days when nothing worked.
When I asked my doctor, she told me she didn't like to recommend drugs to solve problems. Fine, I thought, I didn't really like to take them to solve my problems, either. Then, she told me therapy was probably my only course of action. When I asked if there was something else we could try, she said maybe I could cut back on my caffeine. And that was end of her suggestions. I brought up the fact that it ALWAYS happened at the same time every month and was there any way it could be hormone related? Could changing my birth control help? Anything? But, no, my doctor just told me I needed to talk to someone about my anxiety issues. The end.
I still have insomnia. Except now, instead of it coming once or twice a month, I have it every single night. And guess what? It's totally related to my hormones. I guess pregnant ladies get insomnia all the time, mostly because their hormones are out of whack.
There's still nothing I can really do about it. I get up around two or three in the morning, the cat follows me out of the bedroom and into the living room, and we watch old reruns of Arrested Development or Buffy the Vampire Slayer until it's close to five, and then I can usually fall back asleep (the cat usually follows me back to bed and sleeps next to me on the pillow). I still think it's a little unfair, though. I have to get up and do stuff during the day, but the cat can just go back to sleep.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Simple Solutions to New Problems
It's getting harder to and harder to fit into my poor clothes. I do have maternity clothes now, and they almost kinda fit, too (if they are big enough for me to breathe in and they aren't so big that they fall right off, I'm counting them).
But my workout wardrobe ... it has turned sad, my friends. My largest yoga pants now have to go under my belly. They are the ones I wear for taekwondo class, so now I go to class with my gut hanging over the edge. I look real nice. At least I've escaped without having to buy more workout clothes. I'm getting tired of having to buy more clothes every time I turn around.
Another simple solution I discovered? These bra extenders from the fabric store.
For $2, I have saved my bras for a few more weeks at least. I'm rather dreading trying to find a good nursing bra, so I'm trying to put it off for as long as possible.
But my workout wardrobe ... it has turned sad, my friends. My largest yoga pants now have to go under my belly. They are the ones I wear for taekwondo class, so now I go to class with my gut hanging over the edge. I look real nice. At least I've escaped without having to buy more workout clothes. I'm getting tired of having to buy more clothes every time I turn around.
Another simple solution I discovered? These bra extenders from the fabric store.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
The Baby Books My Husband Actually Read
I got a little nervous when I realized my husband wasn't reading "What To Expect When You're Expecting" along with me. I'd leave it out on the coffee table, waiting for him to pick it up, and there it would stay, completely ignored. If I read him things from it, he'd scoff or laugh or suggest that the book was wrong. Not a good thing to say to the first time pregnant lady who's had morning sickness for a month. And can't sleep anymore. And who just wants someone to pick her up some french fries. And freaking read a baby book now and then.
Needless to say, this is not what I wanted and hoped for from my baby's dad. My friends offered to yell at him when I refused to do it. (OK, let's be honest -- I did yell at him, I yelled a few times. It just didn't do any good, so I stopped.) I even asked him once if he would tell me the difference between me reminding him to read the book or me nagging him to do it (because who wants to be a nag?). He said it was reminding if I did it one time before breakfast on the weekends; other than that, he considered it nagging. Come on, though, he probably belived it was nagging no matter when I did it.
It's not like he's not supportive of me being pregnant. He helpfully says no to all the baby names I come up with and talks about what colors to paint the baby's room (so far, he's picked out brown, so I'm helpfully rejecting to his choices, too). He's come with me to all my doctor appointments so far. It's just the matter of the dang books.
So I got a bunch of them from the library (because I am cheap) and, thank God, he atually looked at a few of them. I think it helped that they had due dates and therefore we had to read them pretty quickly -- easier to nag about something for a few weeks than for a few months, I guess. These are the books we got and the ones he actually liked:
A Child is Born by Lennart Nilsson and Lars Hamberger. This one is mostly pictures of developing fetuses, so he could flip through it while the Spurs were on.
Complete Book of Pregnancy and Childbirth by Sheila Kitzinger. This was light on the pregnancy part and heavy on the labor/delivery and first months of living with the baby parts. Maybe that made it a little less abstract or something. I really liked it, too. It has less "eating this will make your baby stupid" stuff in it than "What To Expect." I don't think my husband actually read the whole thing, but I caught him looking at it, so I'm counting it.
Planning for Pregnancy, Birth and Beyond from the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology. We didn't like this one. It was like talking to a doctor for hundreds of pages. An old doctor. There weren't even any pictures. BORING.
The Thinking Woman's Guide to Better Birth by Henci Goer. Whenever I accuse my husband of not reading anything about the baby, he falls back on this one because he really did read it all the way through. This is not a book about being pregnant, but more about things that happen at the hospital during labor. It's probably why we're not having the baby at the hospital if we can help it, since hospitals don't come off very well. But he read it -- the whole thing!
What To Expect When You're Expecting by Heidi Murkoff. My husband hates this book and as time goes by, the more I'm starting to agree with him. I use it as a reference -- have you ever looked at your lunch and wondered if bean sprouts were dangerous to the baby? Check the book, they are! -- but sitting and reading it through is pretty tedious. I'm starting to see it as a catolog of crap I'm not allowed to do anymore.
Free Range Kids by Lenore Skenazy. Technically, this is more of a parenting book for people who have kids -- older kids, even, like older than seven or eight years old. But this is one my husband picked out all by himself and gave to me as a gift, so I'm going to count it anyway. The book is based on a lovely idea: wouldn't it be great if kids had a little more freedom and parents didn't have to stand over them all the time making sure they did everything just right? Not really having any experience as a parent, it's hard for me to say just yet if the advice in this book is actually doable. But I love the concept and I'm going to see if I can implement it when the time is right. I'm not looking foward to driving my kid to school every single day when it's less than a mile's walk (through a neighborhood no less) from the house.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to return to my new hobby: making sure my child doesn't end named for the Spurs starting line up.
Needless to say, this is not what I wanted and hoped for from my baby's dad. My friends offered to yell at him when I refused to do it. (OK, let's be honest -- I did yell at him, I yelled a few times. It just didn't do any good, so I stopped.) I even asked him once if he would tell me the difference between me reminding him to read the book or me nagging him to do it (because who wants to be a nag?). He said it was reminding if I did it one time before breakfast on the weekends; other than that, he considered it nagging. Come on, though, he probably belived it was nagging no matter when I did it.
It's not like he's not supportive of me being pregnant. He helpfully says no to all the baby names I come up with and talks about what colors to paint the baby's room (so far, he's picked out brown, so I'm helpfully rejecting to his choices, too). He's come with me to all my doctor appointments so far. It's just the matter of the dang books.
So I got a bunch of them from the library (because I am cheap) and, thank God, he atually looked at a few of them. I think it helped that they had due dates and therefore we had to read them pretty quickly -- easier to nag about something for a few weeks than for a few months, I guess. These are the books we got and the ones he actually liked:
A Child is Born by Lennart Nilsson and Lars Hamberger. This one is mostly pictures of developing fetuses, so he could flip through it while the Spurs were on.
Complete Book of Pregnancy and Childbirth by Sheila Kitzinger. This was light on the pregnancy part and heavy on the labor/delivery and first months of living with the baby parts. Maybe that made it a little less abstract or something. I really liked it, too. It has less "eating this will make your baby stupid" stuff in it than "What To Expect." I don't think my husband actually read the whole thing, but I caught him looking at it, so I'm counting it.
Planning for Pregnancy, Birth and Beyond from the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology. We didn't like this one. It was like talking to a doctor for hundreds of pages. An old doctor. There weren't even any pictures. BORING.
The Thinking Woman's Guide to Better Birth by Henci Goer. Whenever I accuse my husband of not reading anything about the baby, he falls back on this one because he really did read it all the way through. This is not a book about being pregnant, but more about things that happen at the hospital during labor. It's probably why we're not having the baby at the hospital if we can help it, since hospitals don't come off very well. But he read it -- the whole thing!
What To Expect When You're Expecting by Heidi Murkoff. My husband hates this book and as time goes by, the more I'm starting to agree with him. I use it as a reference -- have you ever looked at your lunch and wondered if bean sprouts were dangerous to the baby? Check the book, they are! -- but sitting and reading it through is pretty tedious. I'm starting to see it as a catolog of crap I'm not allowed to do anymore.
Free Range Kids by Lenore Skenazy. Technically, this is more of a parenting book for people who have kids -- older kids, even, like older than seven or eight years old. But this is one my husband picked out all by himself and gave to me as a gift, so I'm going to count it anyway. The book is based on a lovely idea: wouldn't it be great if kids had a little more freedom and parents didn't have to stand over them all the time making sure they did everything just right? Not really having any experience as a parent, it's hard for me to say just yet if the advice in this book is actually doable. But I love the concept and I'm going to see if I can implement it when the time is right. I'm not looking foward to driving my kid to school every single day when it's less than a mile's walk (through a neighborhood no less) from the house.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to return to my new hobby: making sure my child doesn't end named for the Spurs starting line up.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
The end of morning sickness? Do I dare hope?
I had a relapse over Christmas that probably came from eating too much and laying down too soon after I ate. But since then, I've felt consistently good and I've even started to have more energy (I thought this was all supposed to happen a month ago, but I guess it's bette late than never).
On Friday, I felt great until I had some Chex Mix and last night I noticed the queasiness returned after I had a handful of tortilla chips, so I'm going on the path of the very heathy eater. But if it can make me feel better, I don't care what I have to do.
On Friday, I felt great until I had some Chex Mix and last night I noticed the queasiness returned after I had a handful of tortilla chips, so I'm going on the path of the very heathy eater. But if it can make me feel better, I don't care what I have to do.
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